Latest Update

So it's been a long time since my last post. 

* New man, since May 13, 2016. 

 

* 3 step kids; 2 girls and a boy.

* 1 future grand baby from oldest step daughter.

* 1 new fur baby named Star.

 

* A daughter that is growing up too fast.

 

* A car of my own.

(I got ran off the road into a dumpster so those two doors don't open, but the car still works and nobody got hurt)

* A new DVT, this time in the right leg.

I'm doing really good right now.

I'm not so depressed, but my anxiety is still bad.

I love my new family.

I'm still unemployed, but driving my stepson to and from school and him and my daughter to appointments and everywhere else is exhausting lol.

Not a big fan of coronavirus; face masks suck.

I think that's everything for now.

Goodnight everyone!

Voices

Poem number one. When when I was fifteen...

Voices

Voices in my head,
Does anyone even care?
Can anyone even see me?
Would they notice if I was not there?

Communication complicated,
All I see is red.
Can't stay awake much longer.
Must put me to bed.

So cold I cannot stand it
So dark I cannot see
I can't hear my own thoughts--
Everyone, JUST LET ME BE!!!

I feel like I'm alone now,
In a world that I don't understand.
Trapped in a cold, dark box.
Buried under land.

Voices in my head,
Does anyone even care?
Can anyone even see me?
Would they notice if I was not there?

Voices speak to me in unison,
Words that I don't know.
The languages are different,
Spoken through the shapes of crows.

Spoken feelings I can't show.
Hidden words left deep inside me.
Trying to get out of this box,
But I can't seem to find the key.

Voices in my head,
Does anyone even care?
Can anyone even see me?
Would they notice if I was not there?

Heather L Saville
September 25, 2003

Voices

Poem number one. When when I was fifteen...

Voices

Voices in my head,
Does anyone even care?
Can anyone even see me?
Would they notice if I was not there?

Communication complicated,
All I see is red.
Can't stay awake much longer.
Must put me to bed.

So cold I cannot stand it
So dark I cannot see
I can't hear my own thoughts--
Everyone, JUST LET ME BE!!!

I feel like I'm alone now,
In a world that I don't understand.
Trapped in a cold, dark box.
Buried under land.

Voices in my head,
Does anyone even care?
Can anyone even see me?
Would they notice if I was not there?

Voices speak to me in unison,
Words that I don't know.
The languages are different,
Spoken through the shapes of crows.

Spoken feelings I can't show.
Hidden words left deep inside me.
Trying to get out of this box,
But I can't seem to find the key.

Voices in my head,
Does anyone even care?
Can anyone even see me?
Would they notice if I was not there?

Heather L Saville
September 25, 2003

Blah...

I am beginning to feel like I am not wanted anywhere.
I am moving again in a few days, for the second time this week.
I don't really want to have to go back home...
Feels like I am destined to be trapped there for the rest of my life.

-Nyxie-

When One Door Closes...

Another opens.
Living with a new set of friends now.
Nothing bad happened, just wanted to reduce the stress level there.
Looking hard for a job and helping out here where I can.
Still in the moving in process.
So far, it's going good.
Prayers and good luck wishes for me please.

-Nyxie-

Tonight

Tonight is hitting me pretty damned hard...
I don't even know why.
All I know is that I have been feeling down all day.
I don't know how to be myself anymore.
I don't know how to get myself out of this hole.
The worst part?
Nobody notices.
Not a single person.
I wonder if they would notice if I just stopped talking.
Just shut myself in my room and only interacted with my kid...

-Nyxie-

Dear Diary

Dear diary
Today was okay.
But it's dark again
And with the darkness comes the thoughts.
The memories.
Flashbacks.
Pain.
The feeling to hurt.
To be in control of something.
To stop feeling.
To just...
Silence it all.
I would join my roommates in the other room and watch a movie,
But I don't feel like I am really wanted there.
I don't really feel wanted anywhere.
I miss when I was younger before everything happened.
Before the first time I ever cut.
Before I stopped having faith in anyone.
Before I stopped believing anyone.
I wish I could be that person again.
But I can't seem to find her anymore.
Somewhere along the lines, I became this shell of a person.
I hate myself.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
Anything but unwanted.
The only time I ever feel even remotely wanted is when my daughter is awake and with me.
I can't even write anymore.
I have nothing left to write about.
Or no words to say that make any sense.
So tonight, I turn on my music.
I turn off the lights.
I will turn off my phone.
And tonight...
I'll sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

-Nyxie-

Content

I'm feeling pretty good right now.
My kid is back on her schedule.
My newest roommate finally moved in.
There is a new guy that I'm talking to and hopefully will meet soon.
I am still unemployed.
But I still have a place to stay.
Food stamps and Medicaid got reinstated.

However, I am tired.
Too busy lately to stop and clean.
When I'm able to stop it's too late to clean.
So in the silence, my mind races.
I don't sleep well.
And I have dark thoughts occasionally.
I'm not suicidal but the urge to cut is there.
I'm getting help.
And having people know and people to talk to helps.
I may start posting my poetry on here.
Maybe.
If you're lucky...

-Nyxie-

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Single again.
Seems like relationships are all drama and trouble.
It's ok.
Time to work on me.

All for now.

-Nyxie-

Disciplining An ADHD and ODD Child

It has been one HELL of a week folks.


So my night was spent from 3:00 AM to 6:00 AM trying to get my 6 year old to go back to her room and go to sleep.
Her night was spent screaming at me, and telling me no.

I took the tv and radio out of her room, but when I went to get the radio from her room she grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked as hard as she could.
Which resulted in waking up my roomies (again) which wasn't pleasant.

She is now grounded from going anywhere (aside from church) or doing anything for the next two weeks.
That includes losing the tv and radio until she can learn to not only mind but to also respect other people's (meaning MY laptop-which she threw the previous day) things.

I am lost on how to discipline her.
Spankings don't work, believe me I have tried.

Taking things away doesn't work; after all she is MY child and I didn't care about getting things taken away.
Hell, I was once grounded for an entire summer in third grade.
My mother took everything except clothes and shoes out of my room.
Wanna know what I did?
I made sock puppets.
Didn't faze me one bit.

I don't think her ritalin is working right anymore but I can't talk to her doctor about that until I can get in to MHMR to schedule an appointment.
Y'all, I am exhausted.
And I am at my wit's end.
Someone, ANYONE, please:

GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

Any advice will do.
I am trying my best to discipline her without making her feel like she isn't loved and without traumatizing her, and I refuse to use a belt.
I don't particularly like even spanking her.
I don't want her to wind up where my little brother is.
I want my sanity back, and I need some sleep.

So yeah, please let the comments flow.

-Nyxie Nevermore-

Pfft

The job ended a few days ago...
Unfortunately, I didn't have transportation and had to call in too many times on sick days and weather days so I lost that.
It's cool though; I bounce back quickly.
Been doing job apps in between cleaning and laundry.

I do have some news though.

(ignore the date on the picture, it's from March 2nd)


Her name is Abby.
She's pretty much the only thing keeping me sane right now.
She's my beastie and I'm her dove :D
She keeps a smile on my face, even when I am breaking down.

This is all very new to me.
I have always (aside from one girl in high school) been with men.
Never really cared for being with a woman.
Abby however, makes me want to.
She treats me like I mean something.
I don't have to pretend with her.
And she knows pretty much everything about me.
Even some things that my best friend doesn't know.

We haven't been together long, but I feel like I've known her forever.
I don't have to worry about being judged with her.
I mean, who else will watch me lick the nacho cheese and sour cream out of a Taco Bell container, and not get grossed out by it? LOL.

I don't know where the future is taking me, but I hope she is with me for the ride.
I guess this is my official coming out?
Again, very new to this. :)

Also, still living with the guys, with one addition: my friend Shane moved in with us a couple weeks ago.
I am so grateful to have a place that I can call home where I don't have to worry about being yelled at for things, or judged for others.
And also, I don't have a curfew of any kind.
I can have friends come and go without worrying about getting in trouble.

Even though I don't have a job right now, I am feeling blessed.
God put these people in my life for a reason and I thank Him every day for it.

I'm thinking about trying for my GED again.
I have all the time in the world and maybe this time I can actually follow through and get it.
Plus then, I can take some college classes.

Also, I did call Super Slave to beg for my job back.
I still don't have an answer, but hopefully I will soon.


I think that will do for now.
Bye lovelies!

-Nyxie Nevermore-

New Year, New Me

Soooo.... I haven't been on here in quite a while.
I have much news to share.

I MOVED OUT!!!
I am now living with my two awesome gay best friends :D
Life is very interesting with them.
And yes, Azrael is still with me.

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!
I am now, thanks to my roommate Dale, working again.
I am an overnight full time cashier at Wal-Mart.
I love my job, and everybody seems to like me fine.

I'M STILL SINGLE!!!
Ok, so that didn't necessarily need to be all caps or even exclamation pointed.
But I am single, and working on bettering myself for my daughter.
I did meet someone at church last Sunday, but I don't know where it will go.
He's a single father, and seems nice enough.
I don't really know him very well.

I don't think I have anything else to say. 
I do have a couple of pictures to share though.
Here ya go:

Happy In All Aspects And Loving Life

Besties For Life (With Kids)

Monster Being Sneaky In Her Christmas Outfit

Pink Hair, Don't Care

Another Day, Another Dollar

Summer's Last Stand

So the concert was freaking amazing!!! It was the first real concert I have ever been to, and I am so very grateful my brother had the extra ticket. And that he chose ME to share with! I didn't see the first band (Motionless in White; I believe) but Bullet For My Valentine, Lamb of God, and Slipknot were stupendously awesome. Slipknot is one of my favorite bands, and I love Bullet, so this concert was perfect for me. I wish I had been more prepared. I went in flip flops and didn't have my camera with me because I didn't know I was going to that concert. I had the best time ever! And finally, felt like one of the cool kids to be invited to do something like this with my brother.

Obviously, I'm the one on the far left. My brother's friend Brandon is beside me, then my awesome bubba Zack.

I didn't even know this picture was being taken. I was a little out of my comfort zone.

Our section of the lawn.

Bullet For My Valentine was AWESOME!!!

I don't think he wanted to take this one lol.

Before I Forget

You guys. My older brother, Zack, totally surprised me Saturday. He had an extra ticket to the Summer's Last Stand Tour in Dallas, and he took me. My first concert ever, and I got to be one of the cool kids and go with my brother!!! Slipknot was so much better than I ever thought it would be. Lamb of God was insane. I had so much fun!!! I will say this though: had I known I was going to a concert, I would so not have worn flip flops LOL. I would have jumped into the mosh pit if it weren't for that. I am so glad that my very first concert experience was with my brother. I hope he got the pictures and videos posted, because I didn't have a camera with me. Anyway, just wanted to share my awesome news there! I will remember before I forget!!!

Why Was There Bacon In The Soap????!!!!!!

I MADE IT MYSELF!!! Okay. So I took a trip down memory lane and reactivated my old vampirefreaks account. I searched for darkstarlings, but it was no longer there. Lost my job, got rid of my loser boyfriend, and am getting my license today. My baby girl started kindergarten on the 24th... KINDERGARTEN, man. Where has the time gone? I am currently waiting for Madame Kaos (aka Ashe) to arrive at the Pit Stop and spend some time with me. I'm trying to quit smoking again... So far, not working out. My phone is off until I can get more minutes. Aaaannnd.... I got nothing else to say. Toodles <3 Nyxie

Out With The Old, In With The New

The friends I've lost are many: the friends I have are few.
But even though I'm going through this, I'm grateful I have You (God).


I have lost quite a few people that I thought were my friends because of something tragic that happened to me May 8th. 
I won't tell details here, but those of you that actually know me, you know my story.
Through everything, I have found out who my true friends are, and I am so blessed to still have the ones that haven't left.
But I am more blessed to have God.
I may be getting soaked from this storm, but He is with me, and I can feel His love in everything.
Sure I have lost alot, but I have grown stronger because of it.

I know He has a plan for me. 
A plan to prosper me and not to harm me. 
A plan to give me hope and a future.

He says so himself in Jeremiah 29:11

And I still have my job, my family, my home, my health, my dog, clothes on my back, food to eat, and the ability to care for myself.

My daughter finished her second year of Pre-K on June 4th.
She's officially going to be a Kinder this year.
I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming.
Now if only she would lose the attitude.

No news on little brother yet.
Mom is healing from 3 surgeries (appendectomy, wrist surgery, and gall bladder removal) and having a stint put on her liver so it will heal right.
Roger's feet still haven't healed...
I don't know how my dad is doing because I haven't talked to him recently.

My brothers' and sister's kids are all growing up fast too, and they are all gorgeous and super smart.
I am proud to be their auntie :D

And, seeing as how it is almost 5:00 in the morning, I am going to remove myself from this computer and go home and try to rest until my daughter wakes up.

Goodnight lovelies.

Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Have a BLESSED day :D

H.

Meanwhile, In My Little Corner Of The World...

It occurs to me that I have not been on here to post anything recently.

I don't even know how many readers I have, if any.

But I assure you, I am still in the land of the living.

I had a shock when I popped on facebook the other day, for the first time in a few days.

My daughter's paternal grandmother had passed away.

So those of you that pray, please pray for the Patrick family and those who knew and loved her.

I dyed my hair pink and hacked it all off a few months ago.

Wanna see?

My daughter is 5 now, and getting so tall.

She just lost her first tooth a few days ago.

I had to have 3 stitches in my ankle thanks to the front door slicing it open.

Here is the before and after.

My mom just had her appendix removed, and is about to have her gall bladder and part of her liver taken out, and the bone in her right wrist replaced (when she broke it in October, she broke it in two places and the bone deteriorated).



Best friend and I are speaking again and tighter than ever.

And I am friends with my ex and the friend that cheated with him.

I think that is all of the updates for now, other than I am single and unemployed still.

-H-

Well Then

Lost my job because I had to call in sick.

Lost my boyfriend because he cheated on me.

Lost a good friend because she's who he cheated with.

Lost my best friend because she told somebody I have stolen 3 guys from her, and because she lied to me about it.

I've been sick for about 3 weeks now. Still don't completely have my voice back.

Found out my daughter has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Had a good friend die a few days ago.

Then had my friend's preemie baby die from a brain bleed.

Rough couple of weeks...

Dumb Dog

Dumbass neighbor won't do anything about his dog coming into our yard and attacking our dog.

Been A While

I realize I haven't posted in some time now.
I apologize for that.
Here's an update on all that is going on with me:

I'm still single. And I am perfectly fine with that.
I'm now a cashier, and I am still at WalMart.
I love my job.
I enrolled my daughter in her second year of preschool, and she is loving it.
I am still looking for a place of my own to call home.
I am very happy with my life right now.

I won't lie; I do miss being with him.
I won't lie; I do miss my daddy.
I won't lie; I do sometimes get so overwhelmed that I don't know how I am going to get through it all.

Gotta go.

And For The Good News

I am now working at WalMart in Gainesville!
This week is my training week, and I started last Sunday.
I will be working in cosmetics and running the cash register when I am needed.
So I am super excited.
YAY!!!

This is exactly what I needed right now.
A job is the start of me getting my own place for my daughter and I.
Then  I will be getting my license and trying to find a used car.
Y'all this is why I know my God is good.
He has provided for my family when we needed it the most.
I thank Him for this and for everything he does daily.

-H-

Well Then

So Dalton and I broke up a few days ago.
We decided we weren't right for each other.
We were fighting all the time, over the dumbest things.
And after a while, the fighting turned me off to him.
I got tired of fighting, and he got tired of me not wanting to send time with him.
So we broke up, and he helped move everything back to my mother's for us.
We're still friends, and I am still friendly with his family.

But I will admit, my feelings for him will probably take a while to completely disappear.
I still love him, and I want him to be happy.
But I didn't think he would have a replacement quite this soon.
And she's pretty, too.
Prettier than me, anyways.
I hope they're happy together.

Azrael is having a hard time dealing with all of this.
She's still asking me when she can see her daddy and when we are going home.
I don't even know how to explain to her that he's not her daddy.
I don't want to make her feel like she isn't wanted, and like this is what happens all the time in a relationship.

Tired

Where to start?

I'm married now, for all intents and purposes. 

It's not legally binding, but hey, whatever.

I'm trying to quit smoking, but it's not going too well.

Here lately I have been feeling like I can't do anything right.

Like I'm not a good enough mom, or Christian, or wife, or friend....

I don't feel good enough for anything and I don't feel like I am where I am supposed to be.

I feel like I screwed up somewhere in my past and went off track.

I'm tired of arguing with everyone.

I'm tired of my kid not listening to me.

I'm tired of crying.

I'm tired of trying.

I'm just...

So damned tired.

I don't know how I got so off track or what I'm even doing anymore.

I don't feel like I am a good role model for my kid.

I'm just so tired of everything.

Sometimes I wonder what the afterlife will be like.

Don't worry, this isn't a suicide note.

I'll be fine, I promise.

I am the Naga

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nāga


So I took a quiz to find out which creature I am...

Ironically, I am absolutely terrified of snakes.

Interesting, yes?

Hello Again

Tax money sure goes by quick...

I got my ps3 and my laptop so I can start blogging more now :)

I'm waiting on a few things to be delivered.

So excited!!!

Also, I am engaged now.

We don't have the date picked out yet, but my ring will be here soon :D

Got in touch with an old friend, and it's almost like we never stopped talking.

Got my bestie moving back, so I can see her more.

I got to see my other bestie yesterday, too.

Aaaand now, I shall go browse the interwebs.

See ya!

-H-

Updates

Grandma broke her left hip and had surgery to have a pin put in.
She is in rehab and doing alright now.

Zack had the flu and pneumonia there for a while, but is doing better now.

As far as I know, Aunt Sharon is still in chemo but doing good.

My stepdad's feet still haven't completely healed, but he is still doing okay.

My dad requested me not mention anything about his health on here, but I will ask those of you who pray, to pray for him please.

We still don't have a car, but we did find one.
Just have to wait on Roger's check to come in.

I am still unemployed, and still looking for a job.

I had to un-enroll Azrael from preschool because we don't have transportation to get her to and from.

A Year of Updates

Wow, what a year.

2013 is almost up, and what do I have to show for it?

Well, to sum it up:

New friends, whether they be just online friends or people that I actually see.

New boyfriend, and a couple of old ones.

New puppy, named Cujo; though I do so miss my Shadow baby.

New job, that I no longer have, for various reasons.

New scars, from various injuries.
(hysterectomy, car wreck, various times running into things, filter implant)

I have watched my father and my stepfather both struggle with various health issues.

I have seen my mother struggle with my little brother's behavior that has landed him in juvenile for the second time this year.

I have watched my beautiful little girl start preschool and turn another year older.

I have learned some new things, and forgotten a few things.

I have been introduced to new books, and reread old favorites.

I have come close to beating Lego Harry Potter years 1-4.

And I have fallen in love. Hopelessly, completely and very quickly in love.

I vow to change my attitude towards others, and break a few habits in 2014.

That is my resolution.

For those of you who are actually reading this, I hope you have a very safe and Happy New Year.

This is Heather, and I am going to spend the last 25 minutes of 2013 cuddled up with my honey, watching tv with his family.

Peace.

Been A While

Sorry I haven't been online lately; been really busy.
Here are this month's updates:

Azrael started preschool August 27 THIS YEAR!!!
She is growing up way too fast.
It seems like just yesterday that I had her in my arms, snug as a bug, rocking her and singing to her as I fed her her bottle of formula.
She seems to be enjoying her class, and the teachers and classmates are pretty great too.


My job is going great; I am still working at Dollar General in Sanger.
I also manage to pull extra hours in Valley View as well.


I also have bad news though.
My daddy is in the hospital.
He has an aneurysm, blood clots, and pneumonia.
He said something about missing some lung and how they may have to cut a leg off.
I won't quote that one directly, though, because I was pretty out of it myself when he said it.

I am hoping to have my own place soon.
Like very soon.
Woohoo.
Meaning Azrael is going to have her own room soon.

Lots of Updates

So Matthew and I broke up, for various reasons that need not be posted here.
Long story short, I broke up with him, and we are still friends.

I got a job working at Dollar General here in Sanger, and I love it.
My boss and manager are pretty awesome!
I have worked 70 hours and haven't had a day off yet, but it's all good.
I work 3 to close.

Dad is doing a ton better, I am happy to report.
His foot is almost healed, and he is up and walking around, even driving again.

We had to get rid of the puppies, because they had mange and we couldn't afford to get them treated.
I miss them so much, but animal control said they would go to a good home...

I think that is all I have to report for now...


FIN

-H-

Puppies, With A Side of Updates

My brother and I got puppies a few days ago.
They are lab husky mix, and super cute.
Mine is a female named Luna.
His is a male named Bowser.
Azrael is having a blast helping me walk Luna and feed her.
Luna sleeps in bed with us, right up against Azrael.

Bowser is above Luna

Dad is doing a bit better.
The pick line will be coming out soon, and his foot looks a lot better.
He is up and moving around, and helping out a lot with Bowser while Nick is in school and working.

Nick has a job mowing lawns after school, and he works with a teacher for a few hours during school.
He seems to be behaving a lot better, too.
I am actually kind of proud of him lately.
With the exception of two times he has mouthed off at me in the past two weeks, I have noticed a significant change in his attitude.

Mama is home taking care of the pups while I babysit today.
For some reason I have been nauseated all week, since last Saturday.
My nausea medicine is finally working, so I feel like I can finally get crap done lol.

When I get home, I get to take my Luna out to potty and play with her.
Then I get to heat up chicken and noodles for dinner.
Feed Azrael and eat my dinner, then it is bath time for Azrael.
Then Luna goes out again and it will be bedtime.

I think that is all for now.

FIN.

-H-

Awesome Sauce

My dad got home from the hospital yesterday, and is doing a lot better.
He had a great night's sleep, and only threw up once, to my knowledge.

Also, Ashe got to stay the night last night :))
We listened to music and played Tekken and watched a few movies all night.
She spent a lot of time playing house with Azzie in her new cottage.
I don't have any photos of that though.

And my beastie got to come home Friday, and we went shopping Saturday and got a few movies to watch.
I sure missed him.
So did Azzie.
She didn't want to let him go anywhere without her lol.

I am reading Beautiful Creatures.
I'm not that far into it, but it is pretty amazing so far.

I think that is all I have to say for now.

FIN

-H-

Hello Again

I have a brand new update on dad.

As of Tuesday, he has been moved to a new room.
His heart is no longer being monitored.
His kidneys are producing more urine.
Dialysis is not needed.
They put a pick line IV in his left arm to give him the antibiotics that he will be having for 6 weeks to heal his foot.
His blood sugar is looking better.
He has been sick to his stomach all last night, and is having a hard time eating; which is a kidney problem.
His cathedar is out, and he is hobbling to the bathroom on his own.
His foot isn't as heavily bandaged.
He isn't getting the insulin pill yet; just the shots.
He is more than ready to come home, but does not know when he will be released.
I think that is all the update I have on him.

Correction and Update

I stand corrected, all they did was cut open, drain, and suck everything out of his foot.
He can't keep any meals down, so they have him on nausea medicine.
His blood sugar was 223.
Not quite sure what that means, but there ya go.
They finished giving him the IV antibiotics.
Mama says he looks better, seemed to be in good spirits and is no longer shaking.
They did a cat scan yesterday, and they didn't fin anything out of the norm.
They did two EKGs today.
He is on the telemetry floor at the VA hospital.
That's all.

FIN.

-H-

Amputation

Dad got one toe amputated yesterday.
He said he's doing alright, but he was a bit nauseated when mama talked to him last night.
I am baby-sitting my nephew so mama can go see him today.
I don't know how his blood sugar is, but as soon as I do, I will post that too.
I don't know if I already mentioned to minor heart attack or the possible blood clot near his lungs, that he told me about Wednesday morning, either.
I don't have much else to say right now.
So, yeah.
FIN.

-H-

Blood Sugar

Hyperglycermia is the medical word for high blood sugar. High blood sugar can occur either slowly or quickly. When your blood sugar goes up and stays high, it means that your diabetes is out of control.

If your blood sugar gets too high, you may have one of more of the following symptoms:

• increased thirst
• increased hunger
• frequent need to urinate
• dry itchy skin
• tired or sleepy feeling
• blurry vision
• feeling sick to your stomach
• breathing problems

High blood sugar can happen for many reasons:

• not taking your medicine as prescribed
• expired insulin (insulin that is too old or was not stored properly)
• getting sick or having other kinds of stress (physical or emotional)
• eating too much (especially carbohydrates)
• not getting your normal activity or exercise
• taking steroids or other medicines which can affect your blood sugar

What To Do

Check your blood sugar anytime you think it may be too high.

If your blood sugar is higher than normal, but you feel well:

• take your usual medicines at the usual times
• move more, even if it's around your house or at work
• drink several glasses of water or sugar-free liquids (without caffeine)
• eat your regularly planned meals
• check and record your blood sugar every four hours until it is back to normal

If you have type 1 diabetes, also check your urine for ketones every four hours and record the results until back to normal.

You should call your health care provider if:

• you are vomiting, confused, sleepy, short of breath or feel dehydrated
• your blood sugar stays above 180 mg/dl for more than one week
• you have two consecutive readings of more than 300 mg/dl
• your urine shows moderate or large amounts of ketones

What You Should Know About Low Blood Sugar

Hypoglycemia is the medical word for low blood sugar. When the amount of sugar in your blood becomes too low, your body cannot work the way it should. Most people with diabetes don’t feel well if their blood sugar drops below 70 mg/dl.

Low blood sugar occurs most often in people who are taking certain pills or insulin for their diabetes. If you are managing your blood sugar through diet and exercise, it is unlikely that you will develop low blood sugar.

If your blood sugar begins to fall too low, you may have one or more of the following symptoms or feelings:

• shaky or weak
• sweaty
• clumsy
• a fast heart beat (palpitations)
• hungry
• a headache
• lightheaded
• nervous
• confused
• tired
• angry
• tingly around the mouth

You might have other symptoms or feelings besides those listed above. Some pills may hide symptoms of low blood sugar. Ask your health care provider if you are taking one of those medicines. Talk with your health care provider about how to prevent low blood sugar.

Some causes of low blood sugar are:

• skipping or not finishing meals or snacks
• taking too much medication/insulin
• eating meals or snacks at different times
• taking medication at different times
• getting more exercise than usual
• drinking alcohol

What To Do

If you think your blood sugar is too low, CHECK YOUR BLOOD SUGAR RIGHT AWAY. If you don’t feel well enough to check, assume your blood sugar is too low.

If your blood sugar is low (less than 70) eat or drink a quick-acting source of carbohydrate:

• *two - four glucose tablets
• *tube of glucose gel
• 1/2 cup of fruit juice
• 1/2 cup regular soda
• one cup of skim milk
• small box of raisins
• six - seven hard candies

*Taking glucose is the preferred treatment for hypoglycemia.

Check your blood sugar again in 15 minutes. If your blood sugar is still too low (less than 70) eat or drink a quick-acting source of glucose again and recheck your blood sugar in 15 minutes.

Call your medical provider or 9-1-1 if:

• You still don’t feel well and aren’t sure what to do.
• You begin to feel worse at any time.

Some people have a prescription for glucagon, an emergency injection given to people with very low blood sugar. Ask your medical provider if you should carry this with you.

After successfully treating your low blood sugar, if your next meal is more than one hour away, have one of the following:

• a glass of milk
• cheese with some crackers
• half a sandwich

Update on Dad

Dad has high blood pressure, so they put him on medicine for that.
The infection in his foot is bone deep, and they are going to have to amputate part of his foot.
He doesn't know when he is having that particular surgery, just that it is going to happen.
He has type 2 diabetes, and they think he has had that for 5 years at least.
So they are giving him the pill and two insulin shots to his arms.
His shoulders are deteriorating, and he is in a lot of pain, so they have him on mitogen for pain.
He may have had a minor heart attack this morning.
They have him on oxygen.
He might also have a blood clot near his lungs, and he is on blood thinners.
I am getting updates regularly from him, so I will continue to update as I hear more.

FIN.

-H-

Trials and Tribulation

Please keep my parents in your prayers. My dad just got admitted to the VA hospital in Dallas, with an infected foot and he just found out he's diabetic. His blood sugar is off the charts. My mama, bless her heart, has been playing babysitter to my 3 year old while I have been stuck in the hospital. She also has my brother to take care of, and he has a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get to. And school. And I feel so bad for my mom. I really hope I get released in the morning, so I can at least relieve her of Azrael.

I spent some time alone with God last night, in the chapel downstairs. I read a little from the bible, and I prayed. Since I have been stuck in here, I haven't been able to get to church, and I don't pray enough. I don't read my bible enough either. But last night, I went and gave everything to Him, and I felt so much better when I did.

Today I am being released, with low INR still. It's at 1.8. We don't understand why it keeps lowering, because I have been so careful not to eat anything to mess with my levels. But I am going home with mama giving me my lovenox shots (I think I will be receiving 200 milligrams - 100 in each - daily), and 10 milligrams of coumadin daily. I have an appointment to get my INR tested again tomorrow afternoon.

My Kara came to see me the other day, and she brought me a beautiful rose. She stayed with me for at least an hour, and we watched music videos on youtube, and went for a couple walks. I sure missed my Kara. I hadn't seen her since 2011. 

My Ashe is having a hard time lately. She's got some decisions to make about her life. I'm not going to go into detail about it, because it isn't my story to tell, but I am so worried about her, and I hope I can continue to be a help to her. She's like a little sister to me. I don't know where I would be without her. She's always been there, even when we weren't talking. I always know she's there, no matter what. I love that girl to the moon and back, even when we're fighting, and she is irritating me to no end. She is my other half, and I am not completely sane without having her in my life.

I have been sitting in here, with all of this on me, and I have just wanted to cry. I am so worried for everybody, and I just hope everything starts going right for them soon. I am so ready to get home. I sure miss my kid, and my mama, and even my brother. Who surprised me the other day, by asking about me. He genuinely wanted to make sure I was doing alright, and wanted to know when I was coming home. Before I left, we had been sitting in the bedroom playing Tekken. Maybe we can do that again when I get home. I'd like that. Maybe that could help bring us closer. He loves playing with Azrael, and when he's in my room, he behaves good, so maybe we can do that daily.

I think that's all the updates I have for now, but I am sure I will have more for you guys the next time I get online.

Thanks to anybody out there who reads and prays for us. 

FIN.

-H-

PT/INR: The Test | Prothrombin Time and International Normalized Ratio

For those of you that have been asking, the following link is a definition of what my PT/INR testing is for, and why it is done. I couldn't think of any other way to describe it. SO there you go.


PT/INR: The Test | Prothrombin Time and International Normalized Ratio

FIN

-H-

Surgery Results

So I had my hysterectomy on Friday.

Everything went great, no complications.

I did, however, wind up staying an extra night.

I am still at the hospital, but in my own clothes now.

I've had real food (bacon, biscuits, crackers and jello)

I've had a shower, and I have been up and walking around.

I have had two visitors, but only got to see one of them.

I was asleep and in surgery when Kathy came to see me.

Mama surprised me by showing up right as I woke up.

I haven't been able to see my daughter or my beast, but hopefully I will get to go home today.

My INR keeps going down for some reason.

I am getting lovenox shots along with my coumadin.

My pain is about a 4.

I'm sore, but doing alright.

And I guess that's all I have to say right now.

FIN.

-H-

Hysterectomy

Yesterday, I went to the Presbyterian hospital in Flower Mound to register and do my pre-op bloodwork.

I am having a hysterectomy on Friday at noon.

I am very nervous.

Today I am babysitting while my mama runs an errand.

And my sweet little girl is now a big kid.

She is FINALLY potty trained, and it certainly took long enough lol.

Boyfriend is working again, so there is some more good news.

I got to have my bestie over for the night a few days ago, and also she got to come over for a few hours on Monday.

I sure missed her.

So did Azrael.

I have a movie recommendation for those of you who are interested.

Go watch Red Dawn.

The new one, with Thor and Josh from Drake and Josh, and the older brother from Zathura, and I believe one of the girls from Walking Dead.

It's pretty awesome.

So go watch it.

That's all I have to say today :))

FIN

-H-

Things to Come

I saw my OB Thursday afternoon.

They did a sonogram to find out why I am having so much stomach pain, and they found endometriosis.

I go back on the 14th to schedule a hysterectomy for the 22nd.

Dad went to his VA appointment Wednesday, and had a shoulder x-ray done.

They said it may be his rotater cup thing messing up.

He goes back on the 4th to see more about that.

They also said he has high blood pressure and an infection in his foot.

Nicholas had his MHMR appointment a while back, and was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.

Other than that, I haven't got any new news.

Except that I am proud to say that as of yesterday, I have been with my beast for 7 months :D

And Azrael used the potty twice yesterday!!!

Super proud mommy here :)))

February Updates

SO he got his truck out of repo Friday morning, which is fantastic.

He had stuff missing out of it though, so he has to file a complaint about that.

He's doing job applications today, and has one in Louisiana that sounds great.

My ribs are still sore from getting the filter put in and having an air bubble in them,

My neck is healed up, and my leg is almost at normal size again.

Oh, and for those of you who have the idea to use NAIR, I so wouldn't.

My leg still feels like it's on fire, and I didn't even leave it the recommended time; I took it off early.

I scrubbed with soap and water, then tried aloe sunburn stuff, which made it worse.

So I took a benadryl and sprayed some of that hospital spray stuff on it, that I had left over from when I had my daughter and she tore me.

I'm done with the updates for now.

-H-.

Valentine's Day

I am very happy to be going home today, to spend the first of many Valentine's days with my love and our daughter.

I have been in the hospital since Monday, and this is what all they have done to me:

Two IVs (had to try a total of 4 other times first)

CAT scan (wasn't very fond of the dye stuff; major hot flash)

Blood drawn 1 to 2 times each day (for antibiotics and INR levels)

Morphine, Ultram and Norco for pain

IV antibiotics

daily medicines

fed me

brought me many drinks

Entertained me a bit

Explained everything to me in a way I could understand

Checked my leg and lungs and blood pressure daily

Made sure I was comfortable

I got discharged at noon, but my mommy can't pick me up yet, so I am waiting on her to get done babysitting before I can go home.

Shouldn't be much longer now.

I had visitors too. Michele and Kathy from church came to see me, and they both brought me a book.

Kathy also brought me a journal, and Michele brought me a soda and a candy bar.

I have been watching Reba, Gilmore Girls, Good Luck Charlie and Full House the whole time I have been up here.

I guess that's all for now.

Happy Valentine's Day you guys!!!

FIN

-H-

Hello Again

So I came to the hospital yesterday at 4:30 PM, and was in the waiting room until 8 PM.

My leg started swelling back up early that morning, and by the time I had gotten to the hospital, it was so swollen that it hurt to move my foot.

They told me I may have a cellulite infection, and I am on two antibiotics, and they've been giving me morphine for the pain.

I have my IV in my right hand, which sucks, because I am right handed.

They had to prick me in 3 other places before they finally got the hand one to work.

I have two lovely purple and blue bruises on my arms now.

They took me earlier to have a filter put in, so they gave me anesthesia and pain medicine and went through my neck to put the filter in my stomach area.

The filter keeps the clots from traveling to my lungs or brain.

My neck is so sore, and I never realized just how much you use your neck to sit up.

It hurts to swallow, and to turn my head.

And I have a new pain, in my right side, every time I take a breath.

Very unpleasant...

Guess that's all for now...

-H-

Another Update

So I am home from the hospital, and since being home I have been bummed and irritated at pretty much everything.

I am on prozac again, and I had my blood drawn for labwork to see if my thyroid and blood thinner medicines are at the right dose.

I am still pretty upset about never being able to have kids again, but I am dealing with it.

I always wanted to have at least 2 kids...

I worry that we won't be enough for my boyfriend, that he will eventually get tired of all my health problems and the fact that I can't give him any kids, and he'll leave.

I don't know what I will do if that happens...

FIN

-H-

Freedom

I have just been informed by the doctor that I am being discharged.

I am super stoked.

This is a definite I am going home.

YAY!!!

FIN

-H-

Finally

My INR is at 1.9!!!

That means I get to go home today!!!

FINALLY!!!

I am so ready, too lol.

I get to call my mommy and get her to pick me up and go hang at my bubba's until she gets done babysitting.

I am super happy now.

FIN

-H-

Le Sigh

Yeah, you guessed it.

I am still in the hospital.

And I will be for at least one more night.

I want to go HOME.

NOW.

On the plus side, I get to have my IV taken out, and I don't have to have a new one put in.

That at least makes me somewhat happy.

My INR levels are still at 1.5 and they want them at 1.8 before I can go home.

They are increasing my coumadin so it will go a little quicker.

I got to see my beast and our spawn today, as well as my lil brother and my mommy.

That was pretty fun.

They brought me my PSP, some pants, a jacket, some baked lays and some honey teddy grahams.

No more starving lol.

Now I get to wait on the nurse to take my IV out and maybe get a shower.

Guess that's all.

FIN

-H-

Tired...

Well, I didn't get released today, but I sure wish I was.

I am tired of these walls, tired of the hospital food.

Tired of being... tired.

I have nothing to do in here but play on the internet, and that is even getting boring.

I want to be cuddled next to my beast, with our princess.

I want my perfectly temperature controlled room, with my nice comfy bed.

I want a home cooked meal, that I can actually enjoy.

I want the company of my family.

I just want to be home...

I don't even know for sure if I will be released tomorrow, just that I MIGHT be.

Guess that's all I have to say for now.

FIN.

-H-