Dear Diary

Dear diary
Today was okay.
But it's dark again
And with the darkness comes the thoughts.
The memories.
Flashbacks.
Pain.
The feeling to hurt.
To be in control of something.
To stop feeling.
To just...
Silence it all.
I would join my roommates in the other room and watch a movie,
But I don't feel like I am really wanted there.
I don't really feel wanted anywhere.
I miss when I was younger before everything happened.
Before the first time I ever cut.
Before I stopped having faith in anyone.
Before I stopped believing anyone.
I wish I could be that person again.
But I can't seem to find her anymore.
Somewhere along the lines, I became this shell of a person.
I hate myself.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
Anything but unwanted.
The only time I ever feel even remotely wanted is when my daughter is awake and with me.
I can't even write anymore.
I have nothing left to write about.
Or no words to say that make any sense.
So tonight, I turn on my music.
I turn off the lights.
I will turn off my phone.
And tonight...
I'll sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

-Nyxie-